I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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