the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
