Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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