yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
