Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
