I got chris browned last night
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize