: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize