How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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