He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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