I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
