the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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