Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
