Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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