the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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