I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
