You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
