he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
