Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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