As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
