last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
