Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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