Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
