Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
