I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
