Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
