Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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