My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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