4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
