just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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