i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
