Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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