Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
