you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
