My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
