Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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