there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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