I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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