Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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