It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
