I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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