cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
