with your own penis?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
