I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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