hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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