fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The uberlube is also flammable
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
