Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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