WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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