my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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