the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
