I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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