i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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