Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
