He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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