don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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