You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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