Swine flu. Run for my life!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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