Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize