forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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