She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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