Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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