I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
