11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
