he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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