The maid of honor just puked.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
