found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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