im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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